Doodling

I think God doodles my name all over his notebooks. (Doodle from a doodle blog.)

And my dad says, God has my picture on his fridge.

Psalm 139: 17-18

17 How precious to me are your thoughts God! How vast is the sum of them! 18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.

Celebrate

This was over six months ago, but I will always remember it. We had a volunteer party at church. They called up all of the volunteers (more than 2/3 of the congregation), blew horns, threw candy, played party music, and the teens led a conga line around the church. I think it will always play in my head as a great interpretation of Psalm 150.

Be Thou My Vision

Mercy, Rabbi, Mercy

Teach me to love mercy.
I'm all mixed up because I love justice and I do mercy;
I do mercy because it's the thing to do as a good daughter.
You love mercy:
teach me, Rabbi, teach me!
My hands crave weapons.
My God who's with me,
my Walker who knows me,
take the lead!
Walk backwards as you guide me
so we can stay face to face.
Hold my shaking hands, my Friend who's closer than a brother.
Keep your eyes on me, Tender Shepherd, and show me the love
that holds the traitor guiltless upon repentance.

Psalm 4

Hans Zimmer's "Homeland" in the background

My Commander

Marching orders from my War Lord shouted around me and to me:

"Be gone from her all fear and doubt: she is not your prisoner!"

"Back off. She's mine!"

"Silence!"

"Peace. Be still."

"Get out of the way, Alyssa, I'm coming through for you."

"Don't mock me. I am who I am, and I will not fail."

"Write me."

"Proclaim me."

"Don't you dare touch her. I paid a high price for her."

"Wait...Wait...Wait...Wait...Go!"

"Wait...Wait...Wait...Wait...Fight!"

Jacob Waits

Tomorrow my deception catches up with me,

and I will wait out the long night alone.

Alone? Alone? When have I have ever been alone?

I have deceived everyone except you,

and you've reached this place before me.

Tonight, I don't want to count sheep.

Tonight, I don't want to regret my mistakes.

Tonight, I don't want to lie quietly with my wife in my arms.

Tonight, I just want you.

Bend me. Break me. Bless me.

Outwit me. Outrun me. Overpower me.

Come on God of my fathers: wrestle with me!

*The rest of the story*

Make Believe

I like to pretend;

I love to imagine.

Make believe is the game of faith:

"Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

Princess of Light

O Best King, I live in a world that does not know majesty, Majesty.

Your Highness, I bow. I bow because I cannot approach your inapproachable light—

but you say, “Rise and Dance, O Princess my Princess, my Daughter of light.”

I am a Daughter of Light. I am a Daughter of Beauty.

What should my soul fear? To whom should it run if not to its God?

O Healer, heal me. O Father, make me. O Fire, burn me and make me pure.

O Thundering One, pound my heart, and pound the nations that do not seek your face.

Account for his great deeds, you who seek his face:

Do not forget them for they will sustain you, Children of God.

Children, Children, your Warrior fights for you.

Boys shout of his war victories. Girls sing of his everlasting delight.

O Lord, my Daddy, I am your Princess of Light.

Let me cast out the darkness that tortures my soul;

Let me cast out the darkness that tortures all souls.

Protect us Kind King, and make us unapproachable to evil as we stand tall for your name.

How do you know my voice?

Jesus: My sheep know my voice, Alyssa. I am roaming the earth, and I search your heart. How do you know my voice?

Alyssa: You know my name; I see your face.

Jesus: Do not be afraid, Alyssa, I am a fearless God. Expect great things from me.

Sweep me up in your mind

O Lord, may I be one with you.

Let me smell. Smell ancient offerings. Smell flowers on 10,000 hills. Smell the perfume a million joyful brides, all fully celebrated and unique.

Let me taste. Taste the tree of life. Taste milk and honey in promised lands. Taste manna from heaven.

Let me hear. Hear a the world’s first cries. Hear the wind in lonely places. Hear you say my name.

Let me see. See the sun rising and setting at every moment. See the creature who dwells in the deepest place. See the way you see me: every cell aroused, yet myself pieced together so my smile warms the world with a drop of your beauty.

Let me touch. Touch the sparrows that fall to the ground. Touch the tops of trees as you sweep me around the world. Touch your feet with my hair and lips.

O Lord, what candles would I burn if I smelled your fragrance?

O Lord, what desserts would I consume if I baked your sweetness?

O Lord, what music we you play if I conducted with you?

O Lord, what movie would I watch if I shared your mind?

O Lord—do I dare ask the last one?—O Lord, what would you touch if you touched me?

Collapse

It is not okay to put the Lord my God to the test. It is okay to collapse into his promises. I wanted to use the word lean, but lean implies that I am still depending on my own strength. In collapse, I lose all control and gain all of God.

Show Off

God, summon the morning.

Make the sun rise again.

Call the wind to action.

Sound the call to all the creatures who are yours.

Oversee the thousands of things I see.

Command the millions and billions of things I don't.

There is defiance in your eyes, Lord--

a defiance that screams "Look what I can do!"

Do it, Lord. Do it all.

Show off.

(Picture from '09 canoe trip with Mary)

You are the God who sees me

Answer me when I am in distress.
Be my shield. Be my reward.

Let me see your face.
You are from everlasting to everlasting...show me what that means.
O God, put truth on my lips and in my heart.
Be my defender. Be my rest.

Jesus: Hi, Alyssa. I am here. I hear your prayers.

Alyssa: I knew you would.

God is King

God watches. God rules. God fights. He calls each of His subjects by name and watches over their lives. We honor him by letting him act on our behalf. And the same God who stood up for Abraham and Isaac and Jacob acts for us. Acts for me. In fact there's a whole book about it. It's called, appropriately enough, "Acts."

I Will Go with You

Abraham walked with his son Isaac up the mountain before he put him on the altar to be the sacrifice. Abraham was the one holding the knife; he had to be the one to strike the death blow.

"Everything was ready. Abraham took the knife. Tears were filling up his eyes. Pain was filling up his heart. His hand was shaking. He lifted the knife high into the air--" *

But God told Abraham to stop just in time.

On the other hand, God the Father, our Daddy, walked with his Son Jesus up the hill before he put him on the altar as the sacrifice. God was pouring out his wrath on his Son; He had to be the one to strike the death blow. And He didn't stop just in time.

Our great High Priest, our Good Shepherd, says to us with confidence: "When you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you will fear no evil for I am with you." He walked a death march once but he did not walk alone, and he does not leave us to walk ours alone either.

And what do we have to look forward to on the other side of that long walk? "Abraham felt his heart leap with joy. He unbound Isaac and folded him in his arms. Great sobs shook the old man's body. Scalding tears filled his eyes. And for a long time, they stayed there like that, in each other's arms, the boy and his dad."*

*The present from The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones.

Bride and Groom

My heart and my eyes are fixed, it’s true.

Come to me quickly when you get your cue.

Run at me whatever you do.

I’ll run, I’ll sprint, let my face turn blue--

climb mountains, jump cliffs to get to you.

I’m surprised by this longing, this longing that grew--

I thought it’d die, but it keeps being made new.

Worship’s a silence with desire pulsed through.

Worship’s a sealing that’s stronger than glue.

Worship’s a shouting between me, between you.

Worship’s a weapon that us both will undo.

Faith, Spunk, and Gumption

One of the best compliments I've ever received was given to me by a coworker at Five Guys Famous Burgers and Fries. I earned the reputation of being the cashier who called out the burgers with flare: "Got one!" "Got a little!" And so, right before I set out from my first job into the wild unknown of New York City, a fellow potato slicer said to my boss, "Alyssa's got spunk."

I still get shivers from that high praise.

That compliment has also made me rethink what I would like to hear from God when he judges whether or not I've pleased him. "Well done, good and spunky servant, enter into the reward you have earned."

Faith is a lot like that great word gumption. Here, look what adding a synonym does to these famous faith passages (bolded words are where faith is replaced with a slightly more daring word).

Matthew 6:30
If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little guts?

Matthew 8:5-10

When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. ⁶“Lord,” he said, “my servant lies at home paralyzed, suffering terribly.”

⁷ Jesus said to him, “Shall I come and heal him?”

⁸ The centurion replied, “Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. ⁹ For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”

¹⁰ When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, “Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great gumption.

Matthew 8:26

“You of little spirit, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

Matthew 9:22
Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “your spunk has healed you.” And the woman was healed at that moment.

Matthew 15:25-28

The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said.

²⁶ He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.”

²⁷ “Yes it is, Lord,” she said. “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.”

²⁸ Then Jesus said to her, “Woman, you have great nerve! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed at that moment.

Mark 2:1-12 * This is my favorite: imagine Jesus watching these guys cut a hole in the roof to help this man. That's spunk. That's gumption. That's friendship.*

Jesus Forgives and Heals a Paralyzed Man

¹ A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. ² They gathered in such large numbers that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. ³ Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them. ⁴ Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on. ⁵ When Jesus saw their true grit, he said to the paralyzed man, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”

⁶ Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves, ⁷ “Why does this fellow talk like that? He’s blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?”

⁸ Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, “Why are you thinking these things? ⁹ Which is easier: to say to this paralyzed man, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’? ¹⁰ But I want you to know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.” So he said to the man, ¹¹ “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.” ¹² He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, “We have never seen anything like this!”

When I act with guts, God responds in kind. Ah! I love it!