A few emergency tips from a battle-worn chamberlain. (The following is based on true events. Reader discretion advised)

Hopefully, your time at King’s will not include a trip to the emergency room, but if it does you should be prepared. Here are a few tips on how to survive the ER.
1) Choose your EMT wisely. You want the strong fast-paced type. If your EMT wanders up to you with his hands in his pockets, doesn’t say a word and takes five minutes to get you on the stretcher, you will want to kindly explain to him that you will wait for the next available ambulance. If this is not possible, then go with the less than desirable EMT, but if you arrive at the NYU emergency room (32nd and 1st) more than an hour later, you do not have to tip him.
2) Bring some fake blood. If you are not examined within forty five minutes, it is a good idea to cover the body part of your choice with the fake blood. The important thing is to have no shame. Do not be afraid to scream. The more theatrics you put on, the more likely you are to receive fast treatment.
The blood is a proven method, but has failed to work in cases where all the doctors are taking their “tea break” simultaneously. When doctors have a steaming cup of chai in their hands, they forget they’re in a hospital. They don’t hear the screaming, the moaning, or the beeping of the heart machines. They are in their own world and no amount of effort on your part will bring them back.
3) This is why bringing Jacinda along with you is crucial. You may not believe it until you’ve seen it yourself, but when King’s students are in danger or are bleeding, she’s scary. I’ve seen her threaten tea-drinking doctors with such force it would have made grown men shake. I have also had to restrain her from leaping over the counter to throttle lazy nurses’ aids.
4) Finally, avoid getting injured on days when the Yankees are playing. If your pain is competing with Jeter at bat, your pain will lose. At one point, I saw two security guards, a receptionist, three doctors, and four nurses huddled around the game instead of the patients.
The good news is that if you have to go through the trauma of the ER, your house will bake you cookies…and you might get to see Jacinda pull off some ninja moves.