Celebrate

This was over six months ago, but I will always remember it. We had a volunteer party at church. They called up all of the volunteers (more than 2/3 of the congregation), blew horns, threw candy, played party music, and the teens led a conga line around the church. I think it will always play in my head as a great interpretation of Psalm 150.

Anticipation

This part of anticipation is long and

hard because the promises have not worn out,

and I am trying to find the thrill I once felt

from the guarantees you gave me

and not give into to boredom.

I am trying unsuccessfully.

Blah, blah, blah,

I say.

And so what?

I can't do this anymore.

What's the point?

And all the bored,

tired questions

make it extremely hard to see clearly.

This part of anticipation is long

and the promises have not worn out,

right?

Written in June 2010

On my walk with you to Golgotha

I nearly crushed a broken butterfly,

and my soul shattered as her body had.

You watched her life; you marked her flights;

you sighed the moment she fell.

I walked with you to die with you--

how could I leaver her alone, unremembered

when we were the dying ones too?

I passed crowds on the way to Golgotha

and afraid they would not treasure her as I did,

I clasped my fingers to shield.

When their voices had faded,

I shook as a whisper flicked on my palm.

In shock, my fingers flew open and the butterfly fell.

Not dead, but warmed by my hand,

she opened her wings, stretched fragile legs,

and finally caught my eye.

All is a dream on the way to Golgotha,

but I remember, O Word, that you squeezed my hand,

turned my face to yours,

and whispered the word, "Promise."

Psalm 4

Hans Zimmer's "Homeland" in the background

My Commander

Marching orders from my War Lord shouted around me and to me:

"Be gone from her all fear and doubt: she is not your prisoner!"

"Back off. She's mine!"

"Silence!"

"Peace. Be still."

"Get out of the way, Alyssa, I'm coming through for you."

"Don't mock me. I am who I am, and I will not fail."

"Write me."

"Proclaim me."

"Don't you dare touch her. I paid a high price for her."

"Wait...Wait...Wait...Wait...Go!"

"Wait...Wait...Wait...Wait...Fight!"

Satisfy

I was born hungry;

I could cry and cry and never have enough to eat.

I am still hungry;

there is inside me a desire for more.

I crave perfection. I crave the utmost.

What misery the world would hold if you were not here.

What torment to want without hope of being filled,

but you are here.

I want beauty; I find you.

I want glory; I find you.

I want power; I find you.

I want worth; I find you.

What quiet "ah" rests in my restless spirit,

for when I find you, there is nothing left to want.

Jacob Waits

Tomorrow my deception catches up with me,

and I will wait out the long night alone.

Alone? Alone? When have I have ever been alone?

I have deceived everyone except you,

and you've reached this place before me.

Tonight, I don't want to count sheep.

Tonight, I don't want to regret my mistakes.

Tonight, I don't want to lie quietly with my wife in my arms.

Tonight, I just want you.

Bend me. Break me. Bless me.

Outwit me. Outrun me. Overpower me.

Come on God of my fathers: wrestle with me!

*The rest of the story*

Make Believe

I like to pretend;

I love to imagine.

Make believe is the game of faith:

"Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

How do you know my voice?

Jesus: My sheep know my voice, Alyssa. I am roaming the earth, and I search your heart. How do you know my voice?

Alyssa: You know my name; I see your face.

Jesus: Do not be afraid, Alyssa, I am a fearless God. Expect great things from me.

You are the God who sees me

Answer me when I am in distress.
Be my shield. Be my reward.

Let me see your face.
You are from everlasting to everlasting...show me what that means.
O God, put truth on my lips and in my heart.
Be my defender. Be my rest.

Jesus: Hi, Alyssa. I am here. I hear your prayers.

Alyssa: I knew you would.

I Will Go with You

Abraham walked with his son Isaac up the mountain before he put him on the altar to be the sacrifice. Abraham was the one holding the knife; he had to be the one to strike the death blow.

"Everything was ready. Abraham took the knife. Tears were filling up his eyes. Pain was filling up his heart. His hand was shaking. He lifted the knife high into the air--" *

But God told Abraham to stop just in time.

On the other hand, God the Father, our Daddy, walked with his Son Jesus up the hill before he put him on the altar as the sacrifice. God was pouring out his wrath on his Son; He had to be the one to strike the death blow. And He didn't stop just in time.

Our great High Priest, our Good Shepherd, says to us with confidence: "When you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you will fear no evil for I am with you." He walked a death march once but he did not walk alone, and he does not leave us to walk ours alone either.

And what do we have to look forward to on the other side of that long walk? "Abraham felt his heart leap with joy. He unbound Isaac and folded him in his arms. Great sobs shook the old man's body. Scalding tears filled his eyes. And for a long time, they stayed there like that, in each other's arms, the boy and his dad."*

*The present from The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones.

66 years of marriage

My Grandma (see the previous post) is in the hospital--don't worry, nothing too serious. I have loved watching my grandparents interact over the past few years as I chauffeured one to visit the other in the hospital.

Grandma will get all dolled up beforehand and then inch her way close to Grandpa's hospital bed and hold his hand.

Grandpa will put on his best hat like he's going courting (he's made many nurses swoon). He'll march or roll right into her room and then stand, sit, stand. He'll cringe at some of Grandma's often-played, slightly crude jokes, then tease her about it and laugh at himself. He plays footsies with her or runs his fingers through her hair (sometimes she likes it, sometimes she doesn't). Sometimes she'll smile at him sweetly with an expression that says "Oh it's you." Sometimes one or the other will burst into song (which for those who really know me, may sound familiar). They tell their favorite stories: Grandma will tell them in her innocent, somewhat squeaky storytelling voice; while Grandpa's stories come out slow like molasses at first then pick up speed and animation as he really gets going.

The Priest who came to bless and pray for Grandma today said Grandma and Grandpa Jones set a new record. The previous record-holders had only been married for 64 years. As he was leaving he said, "This room is where the wisdom lies, Alyssa."

My Grandma is 90

"I can't believe a three pound preemie is going to turn ninety." Grandma Jones (AKA Mary "Pat" Jones)

She was born 90 and married 66 years ago today. Here's her story



"T.G.F.M. (Thank God For Music)" Grandma Jones

God, you can stop loving me now. I cannot love and I am unlovable. Just look:

Love is patient. I want what I want now!

Love is kind. I am mean.

It does not envy. I want what others have and I want them to suffer in the process of me getting it.

It does not boast. I scream "look at me!" every day.

It is not proud. I am all I need.

It does not dishonor others. I belittle those I call friends, let alone those who hate me.

It is not self-seeking. Me. Me! ME! MINE!

It is not easily angered. I'm mad at everyone.

It keeps no record of wrong. I will never forget how people have hurt me.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. I want my revenge and I despise the truth.

It always protects. I always destroy.

Always trusts. I always wall myself away.

Always hopes. I always doubt.

Always perseveres. I always give up. I give up. I give up. I give up.

Love never fails. I never succeed. I fail. I fail. I fail. I fail.

Jesus: Can I give you something? I know you are straining to believe anything I say. Can I play you a song to show you some of my love? Keep waiting for me and you will know it all. Oh my Desire, hear me when I say "I know you."

Can you hear these words? Can you will yourself to believe me when I say:

"I hear the wind call your name; it calls me back home again. It sparks up a fire a flame that still burns: it's to you I will always return.

I still feel your breath on my skin. I hear your voice deep within, the sound of my lover, a feeling so strong. It's to you I will always belong.

Now I know it's true, my every road leads to you; and in the hour of darkness your light gets me through.

I want to swim in your river, be warmed your sun, bathe in your waters because you are the one.

I can't stand the distance. I can't dream alone. I can't wait to see you. Yes, I'm on my way home. I'm on my way.

I hear the wind call your name, the sound that leads me home again. It sparks up a fire, the flame that still burns. I want to swim in your river, be warmed by your sun, bathe in your waters 'cause you are the one.

I can't stand the distance. I can't dream alone. I can't wait to see you 'cause I'm on my way home.

I hear the wind call your name, the sound that leads me home again. It sparks up the fire a flame that still burns. I'm on my way. I will always return. Yes, I will always return. I've seen every sunset and with all that I've learned: it's to you I will always--always--return."

Happy Memorial Day

My friend Ellie shared this with me.

Mission Trips, International Ventures, and the Horse and His Boy

Here's to this year's International Ventures teams: East Africa, Paris, China, and Turkey.

Photo Courtesy of Flickr.com

The Horse and His Boy, Lewis's great story about two horses and their humans' flight through the desert, might as well be a guide book for mission trip teams. If you've ever been on an overseas trip, see if any of these sound familiar:

• Long, unpleasant travel time.
• An exploration of a strange city with the guarantee that someone's going to get lost in the crowd.
• Pride that gets bigger and bigger until everyone's squabbling.
• A rescue from the beasts that only come out at night (which in real life are scary men or giant bugs).
• A steady, peaceful female becomes the adopted Team Mom.
• Unexpected medical emergencies leave part of the team out of commission and the other part trudging on, burdened with the fear that they don't know what they're doing.
• People start coming into their own left and right.
• The climax. All hope is lost...the lions are about to tear the team apart. Then suddenly--out of nowhere--everyone realizes what they're afraid of is God pushing the team out of its comfort zone so it can face the real danger and achieve the greatest victory.

That pretty much covers it.

(Oh wait, one more: romance between the two people who were ready to kill each other during the first leg of the trip.) If you know the story, feel free to add comparisons I missed.

Soaring through a sunset

Anne and I are such kindred spirits:

Marilla Cuthbert: You set your heart too much on frivolous things and then crash down into despair when you don't get them.

Anne Shirley: I know. I can't help flying up on the wings of anticipation. It's as glorious as soaring through a sunset... almost pays for the thud.

Marilla Cuthbert: Well, maybe it does. But I'd rather walk calmly along and do without flying AND thud.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092571/quotes

Bride and Groom

My heart and my eyes are fixed, it’s true.

Come to me quickly when you get your cue.

Run at me whatever you do.

I’ll run, I’ll sprint, let my face turn blue--

climb mountains, jump cliffs to get to you.

I’m surprised by this longing, this longing that grew--

I thought it’d die, but it keeps being made new.

Worship’s a silence with desire pulsed through.

Worship’s a sealing that’s stronger than glue.

Worship’s a shouting between me, between you.

Worship’s a weapon that us both will undo.

Why Travel?

Travel is expensive, but so many people do it. Why? Let's say you spend $4,000 dollars on a trip overseas. The trip is worth price tag if you find at least one million dollar moment--like the moment you make a lifelong friend or find the iridescence of another culture.

Oh no, this sounds a little like a Master Card commercial. Oh well. There's some truth in advertising.

Stay

Push through the screeching fans; it's worth it.

It's hard to believe
where we are now.
Your hand in mine, Babe,
feels right somehow.
The night is so still
so don't make a sound.
It's almost perfect, baby
So, promise you"ll never look down.

Cause we've had our past, I know,
just leave that behind.
None of it lasts;
all that we have is tonight.

Cause you're not the only one,
who's ever felt this way.
Don't let the world cave in,
Just tell me that you'll stay.

Now that the pain is done,
there's No need to be afraid.
We don't have time to waste,
Just tell me that you'll stay.

Beautiful, one of a kind;
you're something special babe,
and you don't even realize
That you're my heart's desire.

All I need and more.
Girl, I know you're scared,
but I promise, babe,
I'm not who I was before.

Cause you're not the only one,
Who's ever felt this way.
Don't let the world cave in,
Just tell me that you'll stay.

Now that the pain is done,
no need to be afraid.
We don't have time to waste,
just tell me that you'll stay.

Cause you're not the only one,
who's ever felt this way.
Don't let the world cave in,
just tell me that you'll stay.

Now that the pain is done,
no need to be afraid.
We don't have time to waste,
just tell me that you'll stay.

Tell me, tell me you'll stay.
No, tell me.
Tell me that you'll stay.