Vibrant Life

Haven't had time to celebrate this yet.

2012-02-08T17:14:00.001-05:00

Thanks, Kiska.

Wit

2012-02-03T20:49:00.003-05:00

Seeing the Broadway play with Cynthia Nixon just topped my to-do list.

"I am learning to suffer," Literature Professor Vivian Bearing says. I, too, have suffered, and sometimes it is easier to take if you treat it like a class where you can reread your notes in hopes of passing the next test.

Strangely, I cried more during this Emma Thompson movie.

My life seemed more uncertain watching a loved one suffer (I watched STF for the second time while I was waiting for my dad's brain surgery to finish), than when I suffered. Maybe uncertainty hurts more than ant kind of physical or mental pain.

Celebrate

2012-01-29T16:42:00.002-05:00

This was over six months ago, but I will always remember it. We had a volunteer party at church. They called up all of the volunteers (more than 2/3 of the congregation), blew horns, threw candy, played party music, and the teens led a conga line around the church. I think it will always play in my head as a great interpretation of Psalm 150.

Anticipation

2012-01-17T17:40:00.005-05:00

This part of anticipation is long and

hard because the promises have not worn out,

and I am trying to find the thrill I once felt

from the guarantees you gave me

and not give into to boredom.

I am trying unsuccessfully.

Blah, blah, blah,

I say.

And so what?

I can't do this anymore.

What's the point?

And all the bored,

tired questions

make it extremely hard to see clearly.

This part of anticipation is long

and the promises have not worn out,

right?

Written in June 2010

2012-01-11T02:38:00.001-05:00

On my walk with you to Golgotha

I nearly crushed a broken butterfly,

and my soul shattered as her body had.

You watched her life; you marked her flights;

you sighed the moment she fell.

I walked with you to die with you--

how could I leaver her alone, unremembered

when we were the dying ones too?

I passed crowds on the way to Golgotha

and afraid they would not treasure her as I did,

I clasped my fingers to shield.

When their voices had faded,

I shook as a whisper flicked on my palm.

In shock, my fingers flew open and the butterfly fell.

Not dead, but warmed by my hand,

she opened her wings, stretched fragile legs,

and finally caught my eye.

All is a dream on the way to Golgotha,

but I remember, O Word, that you squeezed my hand,

turned my face to yours,

and whispered the word, "Promise."

You without end

2011-12-29T15:56:00.002-05:00

Sometimes the words die and

I lose track of what eternity and love mean--

and even life.

They are there in the promises that do not break,

so help me find them.

Eternity is you without end.

The best thing ever wrapped up

in the longest, sweetest honeymoon day

that gets better the next morning and the next...

Love is a long time to get things perfect,

a gentle nudge in the right direction

when I mess up,

and the WOW! we get when you sweep me off my feet.

Life is "Look what I can do!"

"Look what you can do!"

"Look what's going on around us!"

"Look what we can do together!"

So when I forget the definitions,

just write them in my heart all over again.

Wink

2011-12-11T22:34:00.004-05:00

I saw that.

God just winked at me.

It's as if he knows all my secrets;

as if I'm the punchline to his great jokes;

as if I'm his little girl all over again;

as if he's silly.

God winked at me because he's so delightful

or because I am.

Familiar

2011-11-28T08:43:00.003-05:00

This is one of those places

that is so old it never gets old.

This is one of those moments

that is so overplayed it never gets worn.

This is what I hope eternity will be--

one cherished moment you can live in forever.

Author

2011-11-16T18:29:00.002-05:00

You are an author's author.

You do not observe

the deeds of men from afar.

If your character has pain;

you've had pain.

If one has joy;

you've had joy.

Y9u do not let the creations

of your mind remain unknown:

you draw out souls

like yours was drawn out.

Friend

2011-11-12T16:18:00.003-05:00

I wanted you

to weep for me--

I am your friend.

I needed you

to weep with me--

I am your friend.

Fragrance

2011-11-08T12:08:00.003-05:00

You are a sweet, strong fragrance

filling the air around me.

No matter where I move,

your heady, dreamy mist floats through me,

and I am never alone.

Be Thou My Vision

2011-11-03T08:28:00.002-04:00

Mercy, Rabbi, Mercy

2011-11-01T02:12:00.004-04:00

Teach me to love mercy.
I'm all mixed up because I love justice and I do mercy;
I do mercy because it's the thing to do as a good daughter.
You love mercy:
teach me, Rabbi, teach me!
My hands crave weapons.
My God who's with me,
my Walker who knows me,
take the lead!
Walk backwards as you guide me
so we can stay face to face.
Hold my shaking hands, my Friend who's closer than a brother.
Keep your eyes on me, Tender Shepherd, and show me the love
that holds the traitor guiltless upon repentance.

Psalm 4

2011-10-29T10:57:00.002-04:00

Hans Zimmer's "Homeland" in the background

The sacred place

2011-10-24T03:20:00.003-04:00

It's also a secret place. See more. I took these this summer.

My Commander

2011-10-19T17:52:00.003-04:00

Marching orders from my War Lord shouted around me and to me:

"Be gone from her all fear and doubt: she is not your prisoner!"

"Back off. She's mine!"

"Silence!"

"Peace. Be still."

"Get out of the way, Alyssa, I'm coming through for you."

"Don't mock me. I am who I am, and I will not fail."

"Write me."

"Proclaim me."

"Don't you dare touch her. I paid a high price for her."

"Wait...Wait...Wait...Wait...Go!"

"Wait...Wait...Wait...Wait...Fight!"

Satisfy

2011-10-13T17:57:00.003-04:00

I was born hungry;

I could cry and cry and never have enough to eat.

I am still hungry;

there is inside me a desire for more.

I crave perfection. I crave the utmost.

What misery the world would hold if you were not here.

What torment to want without hope of being filled,

but you are here.

I want beauty; I find you.

I want glory; I find you.

I want power; I find you.

I want worth; I find you.

What quiet "ah" rests in my restless spirit,

for when I find you, there is nothing left to want.

Anger

2011-10-08T18:24:00.002-04:00

I'm angry because it hurts.

I'm angry because it spits in justice's face.

I'm angry because it just won't go away.

I'm angry because I can't fix myself without you, and I still trip on sin.

I'm angry because I want to know.

I'm angry because I do know.

I'm angry because it's real.

I'm angry because they're not hearing what I'm trying desperately to say.

And what do I do with all of it?

This raging, frustrating, burning, and screaming?

Pounding and wrestling and yearning and kicking?

Beating and thumping and screeching and tearing and scorching and yelling?

Do you want this, too?

Do you want it in a nice package tied with a bow?

Do you want it in my silent fumings?

Do you want it in my songs of praise?

Do you want it when I'm on my bed?

Or when I'm in the room?

Do you want it now?

Or do you want to take it when I've calmed down?

Are these the questions with answers beyond my grasp?

Are these the groans my spirit bleeds

that are beyond my understanding?

Am I going crazy?

God is just! God is good!

These are the first premises,

and my heart will rage with them.

I'll yell them to silence the liars' chant, "God won't come through for you."

Go ahead, keep your secrets

2011-10-03T08:20:00.004-04:00

"Teach me about myself," I say.
So, you take me to the edge
and point my eye at nothing.
"My life is a void?" I ask.
"Ah," you say, "watch closely."
So, I watch as you expose
the brink of the universe,
where the twirling of the planets
and the twinkling of the stars
have nothing left to hide;
where empty space laughs
and unleashes billions of lights
that become as easy to grasp as
the kindergarten sum of one plus one.

Plains Milky Way from Randy Halverson on Vimeo.

"I can know all this?" I gasp.
"Oh yes," you say. "It's all quite plain."
Then you lean down low.
"I have counted all your days," you say with usual sweetness.
"Tell me about them," I plead.
I look to see your answer but
you have slipped into your silence--
the kind that demands nothing but smiling
and nothing but breathing.
"Go ahead," I say as I lean closer to you,
"keep your secrets."
"I will tell you this," you say,
"you and I can know all things,
but you and I will always remain a mystery."

Plan for the year

2011-10-03T08:13:00.002-04:00

I will build on last year's of God and wonder and waiting, and add some videos a few times a month. The plan is to blog on Monday and Thursday.

A Little Break

2011-08-28T08:16:00.001-04:00

I am going to take a break from publishing until October--just want to get some direction for this upcoming year.

Shouting in the woods

2011-08-18T13:54:00.002-04:00

Thank God for the woods--
a great blanket of green.
No one's around;
no one can hear.
And far from my task list,
is a secluded ravine,
calling for my YELL!
to split my own ears.

Light

2011-08-11T07:22:00.003-04:00

Your "good morning" light is marvelous.

Harsh beeps and garbled cell phone songs do not wake me:

I rise to your tickling light,

and the smiling light never goes away.

The sun is the twinkle in your eye that sustains me.

Your "good night" light is unapproachable.

In the world's darkness, you speckle the lights

that are made to keep secrets between friends

and consume vows between lovers.

The moon is your caress that satisfies me.

The first words made light.

Then the Word made me a light to the world.

So, make the sun set me on fire and moon whisper my dignity.

Set me on a hill and let me glow the words,

"my God fuels his romance with light."

Jacob Waits

2011-08-09T16:20:00.004-04:00

Tomorrow my deception catches up with me,

and I will wait out the long night alone.

Alone? Alone? When have I have ever been alone?

I have deceived everyone except you,

and you've reached this place before me.

Tonight, I don't want to count sheep.

Tonight, I don't want to regret my mistakes.

Tonight, I don't want to lie quietly with my wife in my arms.

Tonight, I just want you.

Bend me. Break me. Bless me.

Outwit me. Outrun me. Overpower me.

Come on God of my fathers: wrestle with me!

*The rest of the story*

Make Believe

2011-08-04T19:40:00.003-04:00

I like to pretend;

I love to imagine.

Make believe is the game of faith:

"Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

Princess of Light

2011-08-01T20:15:00.002-04:00

O Best King, I live in a world that does not know majesty, Majesty.

Your Highness, I bow. I bow because I cannot approach your inapproachable light—

but you say, “Rise and Dance, O Princess my Princess, my Daughter of light.”

I am a Daughter of Light. I am a Daughter of Beauty.

What should my soul fear? To whom should it run if not to its God?

O Healer, heal me. O Father, make me. O Fire, burn me and make me pure.

O Thundering One, pound my heart, and pound the nations that do not seek your face.

Account for his great deeds, you who seek his face:

Do not forget them for they will sustain you, Children of God.

Children, Children, your Warrior fights for you.

Boys shout of his war victories. Girls sing of his everlasting delight.

O Lord, my Daddy, I am your Princess of Light.

Let me cast out the darkness that tortures my soul;

Let me cast out the darkness that tortures all souls.

Protect us Kind King, and make us unapproachable to evil as we stand tall for your name.

Have to Love Viral Videos

2011-07-25T22:55:00.001-04:00

"The maple kind?"

How do you know my voice?

2011-07-18T14:52:00.002-04:00

Jesus: My sheep know my voice, Alyssa. I am roaming the earth, and I search your heart. How do you know my voice?

Alyssa: You know my name; I see your face.

Jesus: Do not be afraid, Alyssa, I am a fearless God. Expect great things from me.

Sweep me up in your mind

2011-07-13T19:59:00.001-04:00

O Lord, may I be one with you.

Let me smell. Smell ancient offerings. Smell flowers on 10,000 hills. Smell the perfume a million joyful brides, all fully celebrated and unique.

Let me taste. Taste the tree of life. Taste milk and honey in promised lands. Taste manna from heaven.

Let me hear. Hear a the world’s first cries. Hear the wind in lonely places. Hear you say my name.

Let me see. See the sun rising and setting at every moment. See the creature who dwells in the deepest place. See the way you see me: every cell aroused, yet myself pieced together so my smile warms the world with a drop of your beauty.

Let me touch. Touch the sparrows that fall to the ground. Touch the tops of trees as you sweep me around the world. Touch your feet with my hair and lips.

O Lord, what candles would I burn if I smelled your fragrance?

O Lord, what desserts would I consume if I baked your sweetness?

O Lord, what music we you play if I conducted with you?

O Lord, what movie would I watch if I shared your mind?

O Lord—do I dare ask the last one?—O Lord, what would you touch if you touched me?

Collapse

2011-07-07T21:39:00.002-04:00

It is not okay to put the Lord my God to the test. It is okay to collapse into his promises. I wanted to use the word lean, but lean implies that I am still depending on my own strength. In collapse, I lose all control and gain all of God.

Show Off

2011-07-04T09:45:00.007-04:00

God, summon the morning.

Make the sun rise again.

Call the wind to action.

Sound the call to all the creatures who are yours.

Oversee the thousands of things I see.

Command the millions and billions of things I don't.

There is defiance in your eyes, Lord--

a defiance that screams "Look what I can do!"

Do it, Lord. Do it all.

Show off.

(Picture from '09 canoe trip with Mary)

You are the God who sees me

2011-06-24T19:36:00.004-04:00

Answer me when I am in distress.
Be my shield. Be my reward.

Let me see your face.
You are from everlasting to everlasting...show me what that means.
O God, put truth on my lips and in my heart.
Be my defender. Be my rest.

Jesus: Hi, Alyssa. I am here. I hear your prayers.

Alyssa: I knew you would.

God is King

2011-06-22T21:34:00.003-04:00

God watches. God rules. God fights. He calls each of His subjects by name and watches over their lives. We honor him by letting him act on our behalf. And the same God who stood up for Abraham and Isaac and Jacob acts for us. Acts for me. In fact there's a whole book about it. It's called, appropriately enough, "Acts."

I Will Go with You

2011-06-20T08:30:00.004-04:00

Abraham walked with his son Isaac up the mountain before he put him on the altar to be the sacrifice. Abraham was the one holding the knife; he had to be the one to strike the death blow.

"Everything was ready. Abraham took the knife. Tears were filling up his eyes. Pain was filling up his heart. His hand was shaking. He lifted the knife high into the air--" *

But God told Abraham to stop just in time.

On the other hand, God the Father, our Daddy, walked with his Son Jesus up the hill before he put him on the altar as the sacrifice. God was pouring out his wrath on his Son; He had to be the one to strike the death blow. And He didn't stop just in time.

Our great High Priest, our Good Shepherd, says to us with confidence: "When you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you will fear no evil for I am with you." He walked a death march once but he did not walk alone, and he does not leave us to walk ours alone either.

And what do we have to look forward to on the other side of that long walk? "Abraham felt his heart leap with joy. He unbound Isaac and folded him in his arms. Great sobs shook the old man's body. Scalding tears filled his eyes. And for a long time, they stayed there like that, in each other's arms, the boy and his dad."*

*The present from The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones.

Two High Peaks in One Day

2011-06-17T18:14:00.004-04:00

I have never been bored while climbing a mountain. Yesterday, I climbed two with my dad and my brother. For the first time while climbing one of New York's 46 high peaks, I made it out with the sun still up. I'll add a few summit pictures later.

66 years of marriage

2011-06-13T18:30:00.005-04:00

My Grandma (see the previous post) is in the hospital--don't worry, nothing too serious. I have loved watching my grandparents interact over the past few years as I chauffeured one to visit the other in the hospital.

Grandma will get all dolled up beforehand and then inch her way close to Grandpa's hospital bed and hold his hand.

Grandpa will put on his best hat like he's going courting (he's made many nurses swoon). He'll march or roll right into her room and then stand, sit, stand. He'll cringe at some of Grandma's often-played, slightly crude jokes, then tease her about it and laugh at himself. He plays footsies with her or runs his fingers through her hair (sometimes she likes it, sometimes she doesn't). Sometimes she'll smile at him sweetly with an expression that says "Oh it's you." Sometimes one or the other will burst into song (which for those who really know me, may sound familiar). They tell their favorite stories: Grandma will tell them in her innocent, somewhat squeaky storytelling voice; while Grandpa's stories come out slow like molasses at first then pick up speed and animation as he really gets going.

The Priest who came to bless and pray for Grandma today said Grandma and Grandpa Jones set a new record. The previous record-holders had only been married for 64 years. As he was leaving he said, "This room is where the wisdom lies, Alyssa."

My Grandma is 90

2011-06-09T18:52:00.003-04:00

"I can't believe a three pound preemie is going to turn ninety." Grandma Jones (AKA Mary "Pat" Jones)

She was born 90 and married 66 years ago today. Here's her story

"T.G.F.M. (Thank God For Music)" Grandma Jones

Keep It Real: Connect on a whole new level

2011-06-06T15:44:00.003-04:00

Marilette dela Cruz, one of my best friends, sort of stumbled across the Keep It Real Game. I'd showed her an intern posting site, she made a short profile (didn't even upload a resume) and a few days later, Leslie Robinson got in touch with her. Marilette's love for truth made her the perfect person to help Leslie launch the game that would let veterans, families, college students and complete strangers connect as never before. A year and a half later, Keep It Real is our favorite game. I can't wait until it's global.

(Side Note, Marilette is a huge supporter of the Jonas Brothers. You should here some of her stories. They'll change your perspective on pop culture--they changed mine.)

God, you can stop loving me now. I cannot love and I am unlovable. Just look:

2011-06-05T17:01:00.007-04:00

Love is patient. I want what I want now!

Love is kind. I am mean.

It does not envy. I want what others have and I want them to suffer in the process of me getting it.

It does not boast. I scream "look at me!" every day.

It is not proud. I am all I need.

It does not dishonor others. I belittle those I call friends, let alone those who hate me.

It is not self-seeking. Me. Me! ME! MINE!

It is not easily angered. I'm mad at everyone.

It keeps no record of wrong. I will never forget how people have hurt me.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. I want my revenge and I despise the truth.

It always protects. I always destroy.

Always trusts. I always wall myself away.

Always hopes. I always doubt.

Always perseveres. I always give up. I give up. I give up. I give up.

Love never fails. I never succeed. I fail. I fail. I fail. I fail.

Jesus: Can I give you something? I know you are straining to believe anything I say. Can I play you a song to show you some of my love? Keep waiting for me and you will know it all. Oh my Desire, hear me when I say "I know you."

Can you hear these words? Can you will yourself to believe me when I say:

"I hear the wind call your name; it calls me back home again. It sparks up a fire a flame that still burns: it's to you I will always return.

I still feel your breath on my skin. I hear your voice deep within, the sound of my lover, a feeling so strong. It's to you I will always belong.

Now I know it's true, my every road leads to you; and in the hour of darkness your light gets me through.

I want to swim in your river, be warmed your sun, bathe in your waters because you are the one.

I can't stand the distance. I can't dream alone. I can't wait to see you. Yes, I'm on my way home. I'm on my way.

I hear the wind call your name, the sound that leads me home again. It sparks up a fire, the flame that still burns. I want to swim in your river, be warmed by your sun, bathe in your waters 'cause you are the one.

I can't stand the distance. I can't dream alone. I can't wait to see you 'cause I'm on my way home.

I hear the wind call your name, the sound that leads me home again. It sparks up the fire a flame that still burns. I'm on my way. I will always return. Yes, I will always return. I've seen every sunset and with all that I've learned: it's to you I will always--always--return."

Scholastic's 10 Most Influential books

2011-06-01T15:13:00.009-04:00

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee (Read it. Cried. It changed my perspective.)
The Holy Bible (Try to read it every day. It usually reads me.)
The Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling (Started it in college. Pulled two all-nighters for the sixth and seventh.)
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (Read it while walking. It's the book that confirmed I love walking.)
The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins (Haven't read it. It's on my summer reading list.)
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger (Nope.)
Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell (Nope. I've watched this though.)
The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein (One of the world's greatest books. "And the tree was happy.")
The Giver by Lois Lowry (One of the books on the Mary-and-Alyssa-Read-Aloud list. In fact, it's the first one we ever tackled.)
Charlotte's Web by E.B. White (Of course I've read it. And E.B White helped me through college. S&W anyone?)

10 most influential books picked by kids

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan (Nope.)
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling (Yes...a little disappointed with the climax but a great series.)
Diary of a Wimpy Kid by Jeff Kinney (Yup. Jeff Kinney gets middle schoolers.)
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling (I read this in Barnes & Noble in one sitting. I stood up and realized I had 103 fever. The book was such a page turner--although I don't really remember much of what I read now--I didn't realize I was getting sick.)
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling (I like the British title "Philosopher's Stone." A good listen on the audio version.)
Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Last Olympian by Rick Riordan (Nope.)
Heroes of Olympus: The Lost Hero by Rick Riordan (Nope.)
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days by Jeff Kinney (Not yet.)
The 39 Clues: The Maze of Bones by Rick Riordan (Nope.)

http://mediaroom.scholastic.com/node/462

Happy Memorial Day

2011-05-30T18:45:00.001-04:00

My friend Ellie shared this with me.

Mission Trips, International Ventures, and the Horse and His Boy

2011-05-26T19:12:00.009-04:00

Here's to this year's International Ventures teams: East Africa, Paris, China, and Turkey.

Photo Courtesy of Flickr.com

The Horse and His Boy, Lewis's great story about two horses and their humans' flight through the desert, might as well be a guide book for mission trip teams. If you've ever been on an overseas trip, see if any of these sound familiar:

Long, unpleasant travel time.
An exploration of a strange city with the guarantee that someone's going to get lost in the crowd.
Pride that gets bigger and bigger until everyone's squabbling.
A rescue from the beasts that only come out at night (which in real life are scary men or giant bugs).
A steady, peaceful female becomes the adopted Team Mom.
Unexpected medical emergencies leave part of the team out of commission and the other part trudging on, burdened with the fear that they don't know what they're doing.
People start coming into their own left and right.
The climax. All hope is lost...the lions are about to tear the team apart. Then suddenly--out of nowhere--everyone realizes what they're afraid of is God pushing the team out of its comfort zone so it can face the real danger and achieve the greatest victory.

That pretty much covers it.

(Oh wait, one more: romance between the two people who were ready to kill each other during the first leg of the trip.) If you know the story, feel free to add comparisons I missed.

Soaring through a sunset

2011-05-23T18:57:00.005-04:00

Anne and I are such kindred spirits:

Marilla Cuthbert: You set your heart too much on frivolous things and then crash down into despair when you don't get them.

Anne Shirley: I know. I can't help flying up on the wings of anticipation. It's as glorious as soaring through a sunset... almost pays for the thud.

Marilla Cuthbert: Well, maybe it does. But I'd rather walk calmly along and do without flying AND thud.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092571/quotes

The Mutual Longing of Christ and His Bride

2011-05-21T13:37:00.004-04:00

My heart and my eyes are fixed, it’s true.

Come to me quickly when you get your cue.

Run at me whatever you do.

I’ll run, I’ll sprint, let my face turn blue--

climb mountains, jump cliffs to get to you.

I’m surprised by this longing, this longing that grew:

I thought it’d die, but it keeps being made new.

Worship’s a silence with desire pulsed through.

Worship’s a sealing that’s stronger than glue.

Worship’s a shouting between me, between you.

Worship’s a weapon that us both will undo.

New Blog

2011-05-19T16:18:00.002-04:00

I have a file on my computer called "Sally Wisdom." It's full of all the advice Sally Lloyd-Jones has learned and passed onto me.

Her most recent credit is: "Alyssa, you should start a marketing blog." So, ta da! Here it is.

http://passasmilearound.blogspot.com/

Why Travel?

2011-05-17T08:17:00.002-04:00

Travel is expensive, but so many people do it. Why? Let's say you spend $4,000 dollars on a trip overseas. The trip is worth price tag if you find at least one million dollar moment--like the moment you make a lifelong friend or find the iridescence of another culture.

Oh no, this sounds a little like a Master Card commercial. Oh well. There's some truth in advertising.

Stay

2011-05-16T14:23:00.006-04:00

Push through the screeching fans; it's worth it.

It's hard to believe
where we are now.
Your hand in mine, Babe,
feels right somehow.
The night is so still
so don't make a sound.
It's almost perfect, baby
So, promise you"ll never look down.

Cause we've had our past, I know,
just leave that behind.
None of it lasts;
all that we have is tonight.

Cause you're not the only one,
who's ever felt this way.
Don't let the world cave in,
Just tell me that you'll stay.

Now that the pain is done,
there's No need to be afraid.
We don't have time to waste,
Just tell me that you'll stay.

Beautiful, one of a kind;
you're something special babe,
and you don't even realize
That you're my heart's desire.

All I need and more.
Girl, I know you're scared,
but I promise, babe,
I'm not who I was before.

Cause you're not the only one,
Who's ever felt this way.
Don't let the world cave in,
Just tell me that you'll stay.

Now that the pain is done,
no need to be afraid.
We don't have time to waste,
just tell me that you'll stay.

Cause you're not the only one,
who's ever felt this way.
Don't let the world cave in,
just tell me that you'll stay.

Now that the pain is done,
no need to be afraid.
We don't have time to waste,
just tell me that you'll stay.

Tell me, tell me you'll stay.
No, tell me.
Tell me that you'll stay.

On Belay

2011-05-15T15:20:00.005-04:00

Photo Credit: http://www.advexp.com/train.html

One of the best activities to take at Camp is High Ropes. Leaping off platforms, rushing down ziplines, and walking on wobbly ropes ladders 30 feet above the ground are all incredible ways to push your way out of fear. And the only way to ever get off the first element is trust.

You slip on a helmet and a harness, and another person secures you to a rope.

Before you take your first step up, you call out, "Climber ready."

Your spotter says, "On Belay."

"Climbing."

"Climb away."

When you're on belay, you have nothing to fear. You can fall but only a few feet. You can jump because your spotter will catch you. The key is that you have to trust your spotter's training and careful, protecting eye. The more you trust the spotter, the more you realize you have everything to gain and nothing to lose. The more you dare to take risks.

16 Days Til Graduation

2011-05-09T14:11:00.003-04:00

The days to come are filled with many little ironies,

many little moments where my cheeks hurt

and I can't keep from smiling because God is just so funny.

He fills my life with many little twists

and little angles

and little plot points;

so that, eventually,

my body seems so confining to my spirit

that all I can do is

squirm

and walk around

and jump

and dance

and sing

and giggle

and laugh at the days to come.

*I wrote this last year, and was torn between the title at the top and "Laughing at the Days to Come." And now I am celebrating my one year graduation anniversary (+ one day), which is hard to believe. My best wishes to class of 2011.

How much more so with you?

2011-05-07T21:21:00.003-04:00

Do not worry: My God is so big, so strong, and so mighty; there's nothing my God cannot do.

Job 19:27 I myself will see him

with my own eyes—I, and not another.
How my heart yearns within me!

Faith, Spunk, and Gumption

2011-05-06T00:57:00.009-04:00

One of the best compliments I've ever received was given to me by a coworker at Five Guys Famous Burgers and Fries. I earned the reputation of being the cashier who called out the burgers with flare: "Got one!" "Got a little!" And so, right before I set out from my first job into the wild unknown of New York City, a fellow potato slicer said to my boss, "Alyssa's got spunk."

I still get shivers from that high praise.

That compliment has also made me rethink what I would like to hear from God when he judges whether or not I've pleased him. "Well done, good and spunky servant, enter into the reward you have earned."

Faith is a lot like that great word gumption. Here, look what adding a synonym does to these famous faith passages (bolded words are where faith is replaced with a slightly more daring word).

Matthew 6:30
If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little guts?

Matthew 8:5-10

When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. ⁶“Lord,” he said, “my servant lies at home paralyzed, suffering terribly.”

⁷ Jesus said to him, “Shall I come and heal him?”

⁸ The centurion replied, “Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. ⁹ For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”

¹⁰ When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, “Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great gumption.

Matthew 8:26

“You of little spirit, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

Matthew 9:22
Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “your spunk has healed you.” And the woman was healed at that moment.

Matthew 15:25-28

The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said.

²⁶ He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.”

²⁷ “Yes it is, Lord,” she said. “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.”

²⁸ Then Jesus said to her, “Woman, you have great nerve! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed at that moment.

Mark 2:1-12 * This is my favorite: imagine Jesus watching these guys cut a hole in the roof to help this man. That's spunk. That's gumption. That's friendship.*

Jesus Forgives and Heals a Paralyzed Man

¹ A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. ² They gathered in such large numbers that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. ³ Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them. ⁴ Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on. ⁵ When Jesus saw their true grit, he said to the paralyzed man, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”

⁶ Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves, ⁷ “Why does this fellow talk like that? He’s blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?”

⁸ Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, “Why are you thinking these things? ⁹ Which is easier: to say to this paralyzed man, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’? ¹⁰ But I want you to know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.” So he said to the man, ¹¹ “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.” ¹² He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, “We have never seen anything like this!”

When I act with guts, God responds in kind. Ah! I love it!

Turn it off

2011-05-02T18:04:00.003-04:00

I must turn it off.

Must turn it off.

A real woman died,

and I felt I'd already seen the ending a hundred times in movies.

There was no soundtrack.

No next upturn to this downturn.

I've wept in in the darkness for fictional characters,

but I had to force the tears to come for her.

"It's time to play: How are You Richer?"

2011-04-28T14:11:00.003-04:00

And here's you host: God.

This year, I got to a point that, though I was dirt poor in cash, I was rolling in time. With seemingly nothing to do but worry, it could have been disastrous. Instead, God let me play a game every week (usually I played it on Sunday, the once-a-week snow-day, often referred to as a Sabbath). It's a little different than The Smile Game. Some may call this game count your blessings, I called it "How are You Richer?" I really saw everything that had happened each week as real wealth that God had transferred from his desire treasury to mine. Rarely did the riches have anything to do with money.

"I took three two-hour walks and saw a brilliant waterfall."

"I helped my friend get married."

"The Jesus Storybook Bible has 50 new followers on Twitter."

"People from ten different countries visited my blog."

"I had four great conversations with special people in my life."

Can I get a witness?

2011-04-26T12:09:00.005-04:00

Jesus' summons to his followers to "be [his] witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth” (Acts 1:8) is easier to obey than I thought.

Witnesses don't have to fabricate or embellish. All they have to do is point point to something they've seen and say: "Yes, it really happened that way. Look! There it is. You can see for yourself."

And what have we witnessed? What are we pointing to? Peter's first speech after Jesus rose to heaven sums it up well:

"Seeing what was to come, [King David] spoke of the resurrection of the Expected Deliverer (Messiah), that he was not abandoned to the realm of the dead, nor did his body see decay. God has raised this Jesus to life, and we are all witnesses of it. Exalted to the right hand of God, he has received from the Father the promised Holy Spirit and has poured out what you now see and hear." (Acts 2:31-33)

God said a rescuer was coming. He came. He died. He rose. He went back to his Father. He's in control of everything, including death, and he invites all people to experience the power of his Holy Spirit.

Waiting Makes Us Holy, Set Apart

2011-04-24T08:59:00.006-04:00

Father, I always understood:

now I know.

I am a man.

I ache. I long. I yearn.

Desire for this creation, for man,

is unceasing.

I am God and Man.

As a man, I wait.

I wait for the sun to rise and set.

I wait for the seasons to change.

I wait to eat and wait to sleep.

As God, I do not forget that you

are always there.

I do not forget that time is your subject.

I do not forget that the you design every moment.

I do not forget that you do not delay.

Some days are long.

Some days are short.

Father, sleep is a strange phenomenon.

I knew it when we made it;

now I know it as I dream.

And Man does not know

that he is not the only one who waits.

We wait.

We wait for him to remember

our goodness and our love.

We ache. We long. We yearn.

We wait through every second

for him to stop and look and taste us.

We wait for him to know us.

Father, though the hours grow long,

I will wait a little longer;

then the sacrifice, our sacrifice,

will be complete.

Then I'll be with you again,

and wait for man, my own, my self,

and help perfect him

as he waits for my return.

Can you bring me that high?

2011-04-20T23:13:00.001-04:00

Jesus: With one hand I will l lift you up. Lift you up next to me.

Alyssa: Can you bring me that high? There are places I dream exist, but barely dare hope they do.

Jesus: I'm not out to get you, I'm here to raise you up. Come and see.

Quest for Attention

2011-04-20T15:19:00.004-04:00

"Women who post lots of pictures of themselves on Facebook value appearance, need attention, study finds." Shari Roan, http://articles.latimes.com/2011/mar/10/news/la-heb-facebook-vanity-20110310

I don't know if it's possible to escape the need for attention--in fact, I don't know if it's possible to escape the need for exclusive attention. I certainly haven't found a way out of it. That need is part of the reason Facebook is so big.

"I crave attention." It's a theme of the Facebook movie, The Social Network. It's the theme of this fun song. It's the theme of this passage, where God says he's a husband who showers his beautiful wife with eternal love.

Heart of My Own Heart

2011-04-19T10:36:00.003-04:00

This was my class hymn: Loudonville Christian School Class of 2006

It's also my favorite song.

Holy Week: Emptying the Cupboard

2011-04-18T09:58:00.004-04:00

For the next six days, we will remember a week that had more catastrophes (world changing events), than any other in the world's existence: Holy Week. Jesus finished all he needed to in this week, and I am his follower. Therefore, I'm going to do the same. I'm going to publish all of the posts I've been putting off; I'm going to empty the cupboard and trust that God will fill it up again. This could get overwhelming...we can only hope.

God's Spoiler Alerts

2011-04-14T15:20:00.000-04:00

I once asked my friend, "Does God really tell us the future?"

So...here's an answer.

Spoiler alert: He will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.

Spoiler alert: A flood will destroy the earth.

Spoiler alert: You will be the father of many nations. Sarah will conceive before next year.

Spoiler alert: Pharaoh will not listen.

Spoiler alert: David will be king.

Spoiler alert: You will bear a son.

Spoiler alert: I am coming soon.

Passover, Internet Style

2011-04-13T14:43:00.000-04:00

Social Media is the new way to tell stories.

Belarus

2011-04-11T13:38:00.006-04:00

In February, I discovered Belarus because a kind person from that nation came to visit my blog.

Today, I am praying for the victims of the Subway explosion and President Aleksandr C. Lukashenko who's dealing with the aftermath.

Here's a NY Times article. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/12/world/europe/12belarus.html?_r=1&smid=tw-nytimes&seid=auto

Photo from http://www.russia-ukraine-travel.com/belarus-maps.html

If I had a theme song...

2011-04-11T10:34:00.001-04:00

What would yours be?

Hannah Waits

2011-04-07T19:14:00.005-04:00

O please don't make me talk.

I have pain. Pain words can't express.

Sober. Sober. Sober. I'm sober.

My mind is clear--clear and steadfast and writhing.

People hope drink will drown their pain,

while I hope prayer will pour mine

onto your hands and your feet drop by drop.

I can only come so far. Lord, call me closer.

Groans. O my groans.

I form the unformed words that wait in desolate places

for mourners who stand by full graves,

and women who kneel with empty wombs.

How do I say it?

My husband is enough. Yes. Yes.

God is enough. Yes. Yes.

Ah! How do I express that I want more?

There is nothing left inside of me, and still it burns.

Burns. Burns. Burns.

Will no one speak for me? Even here, where

the Lord dwells, will no one come to my aid?

Men fight and kill oppressors who take what is rightfully theirs,

but what do I with my tormentor?

She sits at my table. She lies in my bed.

She shares my husband's love.

Shares my husband's children.

O children.

Lord, you are near, I can sense you.

When I open my eyes, my God,

please, have a promise waiting for me,

a promise that I will bear a child

who will serve you forever.

O Lord, you know I beg deeply;

find favor with me and

imagine, then, how deeply I'll praise

when you raise up my head.

Fight for Something

2011-04-05T15:27:00.007-04:00

Megan Follows made me ache to be a real actress. And I'll still be watching Anne of Green Gables on sick days when I'm 94. She waited a year after a failed audition, tried again, and got the part.

"When it came up the second time, I thought, 'This is very rare that something comes up again that you wanted and it didn't work out so the commitment better be really strong this time. And I better put in the work that I need if I want to get this.' ... Nothing I had gone up for had come anywhere near the possibilities that lay in that character. And I kept thinking 'I've gotta, I've gotta do this. This would be so wonderful for me to do.' And I think it was that determination, and having to fight for something that gave me that extra drive." (5:15- 6:35 below)

Tangled

2011-03-31T10:47:00.007-04:00

Photo courtesy of Disney.
Watch Tangled. Buy Tangled. Laugh as hard as I did at the scene where Rapunzel realizes with absolute joy and absolute horror that she's just left her safe world behind.

In Bible Study, we pushed our boundaries discussion to next week so we could watch the movie. Every so often, God lets his kids drop the formality and just have fun.

2011-03-28T20:41:00.006-04:00

(L.Calada/ESO/Canadian Press)

At some point in the course of eternity, I wonder if God will let me hold a star in my hand. I don't mean that the star will become small enough or weak enough for me to hold. The star will remain the same. I mean that when I am one with the Creator—in his presence, seeing his face—I hope I'll withstand its heat and power, hold it up close, and study it for centuries just so I can understand the word shine.

I'm sure God does this already with his stars. Since his Spirit is alive in me right now, all I can ask of him is to make me humble. If one star's force undoes me, how much more its God? How foolish of me to walk rebelliously in my own ways. If the star could talk, I think it would say: "Walk humbly with your God? Duh!"

To EXCLAIM!!!! or not.

2011-03-25T19:06:00.005-04:00

Since I started a job as a marketing consultant, I stopped deleting the ad e-mails the minute they appeared. Suddenly the "deals of the day" are treasure troves of valuable information—maybe I can learn all the secrets of the marketing trade. One thing I've learned: advertisers love exclamation points.

A) Today is the best day ever! $5 gift card at Starbucks when you buy a $25 gift card!!!

B) When I came home from Spain last year, my boyfriend met me at the airport, kidnapped me, and took me to a nearby river. He had a boat waiting. He rowed us out into the sunset, and when the light was at its most brilliant, he proposed. I said yes. Then started crying.

Which story is more gripping?

Note: To the best of my knowledge, the proposal story and Starbucks deal are fictional.

God my God's Story

2011-03-21T19:10:00.005-04:00

"I had always felt life first as a story: and if there is a story there is a storyteller." G. K. Chesterton

"The Bible is most of all a story." Jesus Storybook Bible

One Great Song. One Great Story. (In under 6 minutes)

Photo Credits
Old wooden Cross: Stasys Eidiejus
Jesus of Nazareth
Beyond the Stars: Ken Crawford

Amish Grace

2011-03-17T21:42:00.005-04:00

It's not often I turn on a Lifetime Movie to learn about godly men (it's not often I turn on a Lifetime movie in general...), but Amish Grace is a beautiful exception.

Based on the events of the 2006 school shooting in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, Amish Grace tells the story of Gideon (a stunning performance by Matt Letscher) and Ida (and a noteworthy turn by Kimberly Williams-Paisley, Father of the Bride) Graber, a couple whose fourteen-year-old daughter is murdered at the hands of a man who, in his rage against God, follows through with the most appalling act he can think of. Gideon and other Amish elders leave the world scratching its head when they visit Amy Roberts (Tammy Blanchard, Bella), the wife of the gunman, to offer forgiveness and condolences a few hours after her husband's rampage.

Ida refuses to forgive so easily. She rages. She resents. She blockades herself against the world, and most importantly against her husband and her God. Justified actions, perhaps, of a woman who just lost a daughter. And watching her struggle to regain any sense of normalcy would alone make the movie worth seeing. But Ida's war is not the lifeblood of this film. Though he's calm and steady, her husband's torment is more horrifying and compelling. Gideon's response to tragedy scares me--a woman who thinks she's pretty strong--to death.

Ida lets it all hang out there. She has meltdowns. She goes her own way. She feels out loud as much as she needs to. Gideon has to bear the same grief, but he has to maintain control. He has to stand for his community. Stand for his wife who's close to leaving him. Stand for his daughter who feels guilty she's alive when her sister is dead. Stand for his faith when his life is falling apart. At times, the agony on his face is life-shattering.

Amish Grace made me grateful that others are called to "love as Christ loved the church"--I doubt if I could ever have the strength to be a rock at the very moment when my soul was crumbling into dust. But Gideon did. Because Christ did. And Christ was the Son of Man: the manliest of men.

Love is in the air

2011-03-14T18:49:00.003-04:00

This September, I get to be a bridesmaid in my friends' Moses and Marilette's wedding. Here's their story.

And their Website

CNN reports on Japan's Disaster: for my Japanese readers

2011-03-11T17:06:00.011-05:00

In this article, by CNN Wire Staff, witnesses describe the panic of the initial quake and the calm silence of its aftermath.

"This is my Father's world. Oh let me never forget that though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet."

"This baby would be like that bright star shining in the sky that night. A Light to light up the whole world. Chasing away darkness. Helping people to see. And the darker the night got, the brighter the star would shine." --Jesus Storybook Bible, "The Light of the whole world"

"This is what people do when tragedy strikes--they sit." Lars and the Real Girl

Faith in Unrest

2011-03-10T14:03:00.007-05:00

"We are here holding crosses, not weapons. Who will defend us?"

by RANIA ABOUZEID / SOLE

After their church was burned and violence erupted, Egyptian Christians called for aid. They are still waiting for the light of hope to shine through.

AFP / Getty Images

Maria Theresa

2011-03-07T15:37:00.003-05:00

My older sister's name is Mary Theresa, so this is for her and the big dream God's given her.

Her father changed the law so she could rule. Europe accepted it with the little help of bribes. She inherited a bankrupt land with an insignificant army. She had little training in leading a nation. By the end of her 40 year reign, she'd initiated reforms, secured the Austrian state, and established the Hapsburg dynasty for generations.

She cared for the poor...loved her husband...had sixteen children...and changed the face of Europe.

http://departments.kings.edu/womens_history/mariatheres.html

Breaking up with college

2011-03-04T15:09:00.005-05:00

I put on my best outfits for you. I spent hours of time pouring myself into you--hoping you'd fill me, too. I waited with a mix of anticipation and dread when it was your turn to move. Would you disappoint me? What if I didn't live up to your expectations?

You demanded so much from me: my full attention, my best behavior, my youth. I spent late nights with you. And early mornings. And long afternoons. I tried not to get bitter when you let me down and I hoped for forgiveness when it went the other way. I gave you too much, and now I'm spent.

So let's face it, in the end we knew this day was coming. We were using each other--you for my money and potential clout; me for your promise of whole new worlds and the life I'd always dreamed of. What started with your serenade of how I was indispensable, unique, and valuable, of how I belonged with you (never mind how cheesy and overblown it sounds now), ended with you patting me on the back, handing me what I came for, and offering a patronizing goodbye: Have a nice life, let's keep in touch.

But, despite all this, despite my many failings and yours, there is still a part of me that will always love you; that will always be drawn to you again.

God, you're my champion

2011-03-04T00:57:00.008-05:00

This is my new favorite attribute of God.

music from Master and Commander

Lion picture from VODT

I have to tell you, this just makes my week

2011-02-27T10:32:00.002-05:00

Page views by country. 1 week, 5 continents. This just confirms an identity flash I had this week: While my feet are planted at home, my heart grows wild for the nations. My curiosity about all these countries might make it into an upcoming post. I can't help smiling when I see the words Belarus and Estonia--while lying on my bed, I've just discovered new lands.

United States

Latvia

Japan

Nigeria

Brazil

Belarus

Estonia

Poland

Russia

Boethius Waits

2011-02-24T15:30:00.009-05:00

I sang indulgent measures that the beautiful, pitiful muses whispered in my ears. They consoled my fate of gloomy old age. They filled me with mournful complaints, until an ageless Woman appeared.

"Actress harlots, muses of self-pity, get out! Go dance your way into the pit of the dead. You shall not touch this sick person: he's mine."

With the muses banished, their trance forgotten, Wisdom became my nurse."Stop playing the blues, start hearing the truth," the inexhaustible Beauty chided. She who cries aloud in the streets, the firstborn of creation on whom creation was built, came to my cell with a loving slap in the face. She pierced me with kindness. Her voice, her words were stronger than death. And so, as I waited for death, I was consoled.

I think they're trying to speak to me.

2011-02-21T15:15:00.001-05:00

Oh wait--they are.

I Fear

2011-02-16T13:35:00.002-05:00

I fear I have to run away

for no one's treated me fair today.

I fear I'll have to live under a tree

and watch the branches sway.

I fear I'll have to fight a giant

(I'll have to fight him anyway).

I fear that then I'll go back home

and that is where I'll stay.

*My first poem. Unedited. Written at age 7.*

Cure

2011-02-13T15:43:00.004-05:00

Despite the thousands of prescription drug commercials out there, I've never seen one for what I crave most: a cure for the "Alyssas."

Tools for marriage, tools for life

2011-02-07T14:53:00.000-05:00

Thanks to my dad the pastor, I've been to many weddings. This is my favorite marriage quote of his: "Twelve words can save your marriage: "'I was wrong. I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you.'" If you want to narrow it down even further, I'd go with the first three words. Since marriage is the highest form of friendship, this is great advice for friends (and roommates), too.

Dem's fighting words

2011-02-05T10:40:00.003-05:00

Alyssa: God, are you my advocate?

God: Lyss, I'm your advocate. Be still and watch me move.

Alyssa: Really?

God: Go!

Precious

2011-02-02T09:11:00.009-05:00

"She is worth far more than rubies" Proverbs 31:10

A price tag is not the best sign of worth--craftsmanship is. The earth is the craftsman of precious stones. Look again at the way jewels form.

1400 degrees Celsius and 50 kilobars of pressure added to carbon will make a diamond.

Water evaporates at 100 degrees Celsius. Imagine, if you can, the heat of boiling water multiplied by 14.

Now, imagine the power of 50 kilobars. Changes in air pressure (how many pounds of air are pushing down on a specific point of the earth's surface) affect temperatures, precipitation, and headaches. The earache you get after riding on a plane is the result of the pressure changing so quickly. Changes in pressure on the earth's surface are measured in milibars--a tiny, tiny fraction of a kilobar. A kilobar is thousands and thousands of pounds of pressure pushing down on a square inch.

No wonder David could say, "When I felt secure I said, 'I will never be shaken.'" You were formed with greater intensity than 1400 degrees Celsius of heat and thousands of pounds of pressure.

(The story behind the song and the place to buy the movie)

Trinity

2011-01-27T09:36:00.004-05:00

Ten points if you can track down the quote about friendship from either Lewis or Tolkien that is essentially: Now that [Williams?] is gone, I won't know Jack in the same way.

The quote is such a beautiful picture of friendship, marriage, and even the Trinity.

To demonstrate, let me use a different relationship: my heavenly Dad, my dad, and me. When my dad does something amazing for me, like send me a beautiful card when I'm down, leave a treat when I come home, or correct my stupid behavior, I get blown away: "That's just like God." Then I look at God because I found out something new about him, and see my dad more clearly. And by knowing them better through the other, I know me better, too.

Rebuke

2011-01-24T11:28:00.003-05:00

Diamonds only form with extreme pressure and heat--if there isn't enough of either, the carbon becomes graphite (the worthless material pencils are made of). These jewels form deep in the earth and can only escape when a volcano explodes. Then an artist has to slowly cut away the impurities to make it valuable enough for a bride.

I do not understand a distant God: I understand one who presses down and cuts away so that I can be pure. It is better to be yelled at than ignored. When God speaks rightly into my life, he silences me like he did Job. There is no argument left, just a shame that makes me want to die. But he died so I don't have to, and he was shamed so that I can have dignity.

Aragorn and Eowyn Wait: Take 2

2011-01-20T11:23:00.008-05:00

Getting through the wilderness is never easy, even if you know the happy ending.

The inevitable ending of Lord of the Rings: Aragorn will be king. Aragorn will marry Arwen. Arwen will survive her trial and not choose the path of safety. Eowyn will defeat the Nazgul.

The valley to get there: Aragorn doubts his strength to do what he must. Arwen may not survive the wait. Aragorn might love Eowyn because it is easier to see her than the memory of Arwen in the forest when he first knew she loved him. Eowyn may love Aragorn and lose the chance to stand.

These are two of my favorite fan videos from the movies. The first is by IloveDonQuixote and the music is My Immortal by Evanescence.

The embedding is decoded, but you can see it here.

The second is by Teresatesssa and the music is Nightwish.

Here's Aragorn Waits and here's Eowyn Waits

Woman goes back to work after thirty years.

2011-01-17T14:17:00.000-05:00

Oh man, I wonder how silly we'll look...

I know the cross

2011-01-13T14:17:00.002-05:00

I know the cross,
I know it: it is mine.
I love the Man who died on it.

I love the nations created for it.
I love the world restored by it.

I am known to a Man who is not unknown to pain.
He was drained, beaten, and silenced:
he was a Word that was crushed.

All that he is, was dead, lifeless,
shattered beneath the world's rebellion.

I know the cross,
I know it: it is mine.
I love the Man who died on it.

The pain that wicked men inflict
rises up against the cross but is crushed.
Death cannot win, though tragedy is eternal.

For the eternal Word wears scars on his wrists
and a wound in his side.
He died. And he crushed that, too.

My wandering heart: a little more Mumford

2011-01-11T09:38:00.002-05:00

:) (Start at 1:03)

"Lead me away or leave me lying here"

2011-01-06T08:09:00.005-05:00

An excellent soundtrack from Bryan Adams and Hans Zimmer.

My Heart, my heart, my Adirondacks

2010-12-31T08:31:00.008-05:00

My heart, my heart--
I long to come to you again.
In your hills, your lakes,
your rivers, your cabins,
I am at home.
I am alive.

O that my heart were steadfast

2010-12-28T11:53:00.008-05:00

Steadfast: firmly fixed in place; not subject to change; firm in belief, determination, or adherence
Fickle: marked by lack of steadfastness, constancy, stability

"My heart is steadfast, O God,
me heart is steadfast;
I will sing and make music.
Awake, my soul!" Psalm 57:7,8

"How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes...Awake, my soul! You were made to meet your maker." Mumford and Sons, Sigh No More, "Awake My Soul"

Courage, dear heart

2010-12-24T10:36:00.011-05:00

Though there's room for improvement in the Narnia movies, I enjoyed watching the latest installment with a dear friend. Of course, the best thing to do before and after you see a movie based on a book is read the book. This is one of my all time favorite story moments, which is saying a lot. Narnia has been a part of my family as long as I can remember. When I was little, we even had a Narnia party after reading The Magician's Nephew...note the toffee tree.

Lucy leant her head on the edge of the fighting top and whispered, "Aslan, Aslan, if ever you loved us at all, send us help now."

...

But no one except Lucy knew that as it circled the mast [the albatross] had whispered to her, "Courage, dear heart," and the voice, she felt sure, was Aslan's, and with the voice a delicious smell breathed in her face.

*Passage from The Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C.S. Lewis, HarperCollins 2010

She

2010-12-21T07:28:00.003-05:00

Little girl takes a final bow.

Slowly, silently woman emerges.

She lives not without sorrows or scars,

still she's robed with

Beauty

Strength

and Dignity

and always she dreams.

A God who knows Tragedy

2010-12-16T22:26:00.003-05:00

God is not far from your tragedy. This is a Psalm of David, but the pain expressed resembles Jesus' cries from the cross. Read it and tremble at your salvation. It is the agony of the cross. It is the battle between trust and pain.

¹ My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from my cries of anguish?
² My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, but I find no rest.

³ Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
you are the one Israel praises.
⁴ In you our ancestors put their trust;
they trusted and you delivered them.
⁵ To you they cried out and were saved;
in you they trusted and were not put to shame.

⁶ But I am a worm and not a man,
scorned by everyone, despised by the people.
⁷ All who see me mock me;
they hurl insults, shaking their heads.
⁸ “He trusts in the LORD,” they say,
“let the LORD rescue him.
Let him deliver him,
since he delights in him.”

⁹ Yet you brought me out of the womb;
you made me trust in you, even at my mother’s breast.
¹⁰ From birth I was cast on you;
from my mother’s womb you have been my God.

¹¹ Do not be far from me,
for trouble is near
and there is no one to help.

¹² Many bulls surround me;
strong bulls of Bashan encircle me.
¹³ Roaring lions that tear their prey
open their mouths wide against me.
¹⁴ I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
it has melted within me.
¹⁵ My mouth is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
you lay me in the dust of death.

¹⁶ Dogs surround me,
a pack of villains encircles me;
they pierce my hands and my feet.
¹⁷ All my bones are on display;
people stare and gloat over me.
¹⁸ They divide my clothes among them
and cast lots for my garment.

¹⁹ But you, LORD, do not be far from me.
You are my strength; come quickly to help me.
²⁰ Deliver me from the sword,
my precious life from the power of the dogs.
²¹ Rescue me from the mouth of the lions;
save me from the horns of the wild oxen.

²² I will declare your name to my people;
in the assembly I will praise you.
²³ You who fear the LORD, praise him!
All you descendants of Jacob, honor him!
Revere him, all you descendants of Israel!
²⁴ For he has not despised or scorned
the suffering of the afflicted one;
he has not hidden his face from him
but has listened to his cry for help.

²⁵ From you comes the theme of my praise in the great assembly;
before those who fear you I will fulfill my vows.
²⁶ The poor will eat and be satisfied;
those who seek the LORD will praise him—
may your hearts live forever!

²⁷ All the ends of the earth
will remember and turn to the LORD,
and all the families of the nations
will bow down before him,
²⁸ for dominion belongs to the LORD
and he rules over the nations.

²⁹ All the rich of the earth will feast and worship;
all who go down to the dust will kneel before him—
those who cannot keep themselves alive.
³⁰ Posterity will serve him;
future generations will be told about the Lord.
³¹ They will proclaim his righteousness,
declaring to a people yet unborn:
He has done it!

Author-ity

2010-12-12T10:48:00.013-05:00

The Author I love sits on a throne and does not move.

He has seen my life from its beginning–

it was and always is on his mind.

He combs the story like a mom her daughter's tangled hair.

He puts it far away to examine it in context,

holds it close to enhance the smallest detail,

and plays and replays greatest moments.

He does not grow tired of it...or me.

His stories make his heart race;

his children leave him speechless.

Gungor's album, Beautiful Things

Free to fail and imagine

2010-12-07T21:33:00.011-05:00

If you have any doubt about why Jo Rowling's Harry Potter is a worldwide phenomenon, just watch her 2008 Harvard commencement address. Drawing from her failures, her friendships, and her observations of human empathy and cruelty, Rowling created a fictional world that sends shock waves through the non-fictional one. Behind the magic, there's power.

J.K. Rowling Speaks at Harvard Commencement from Harvard Magazine on Vimeo.

Perspective

2010-12-02T08:56:00.010-05:00

Who? Me.
When? At 4-years-old.
Where? In the library parking lot after story hour.
With? My mom.
What? The biggest relationship decision of my life.

What began with an "okay," a bowed head, and a few innocent words is still going strong. Really, I had no idea what I was in for. But then again, I had every idea of what I was in for: I believed the song "My God is so big so strong and so mighty." He's still here. I'm still here. And that's pretty awesome.

And He's coming for me. It's true. So here's my grown-up imagination trying to figure out His, "I love you this much:"

"I am coming to you at one mile an hour (from the pond to your door).
I am coming to you at one mile a minute (from the pond to your door).
I am coming to you at ten miles an hour (from New York City to your door).
I am coming to you at ten miles a minute (from New York City to your door).
I am coming to you at 100 miles an hour (from Philadelphia to your door).
I am coming to you at 100 miles an minute (from Philadelphia to your door).
I am coming to you at 1,000 miles an hour (from Nashville to your door).
I am coming to you at 1,000 miles a minute (from Nashville to your door).
I am coming to you at 10,000 miles an hour (from your door, to Istanbul, back to your door).
I am coming to you at 10,000 miles a minute (from your door, to Istanbul, back to your door).
I am coming to you at 100,000 miles an hour (from your door, around Earth four times, back to your door).
I am coming to you at 100,000 miles a minute (from your door, around earth four times, back to your door).
I am coming to you at 1,000,000 miles an hour (from your door, to the moon, to your door, to the moon, to your door).
I am coming to you at 1,000,000 miles a minute (from your door, to the moon, to your door, to the moon, to your door).
I am coming to you at 10,000,000 miles an hour (from your door to the moon 40 times, to your door).
I am coming to you at 10,000,000 miles a minute (from your door to the moon 40 times, to your door).
I am coming to you at 100,000,000 miles an hour (from the sun to your door).
I am coming to you at 100,000,000 miles a minute (from the sun to your door).
And I'll keep coming and coming and coming..."

To see more about how big, strong, and mighty God is, discover Him in Psalm 18.

Barefoot Runner

2010-11-29T10:33:00.009-05:00

Each morning, I unlace my shoes, cast them to the roadside and run.

Others run bare through the grass, through the sand,

but I cannot cushion myself.

I run through the briers, the prickers, the thorns,

and my feet pound on pavement and gravel.

Yes, lovely, I am washed in blood, as you once bathed in blood.

I still see your stain–I still smell the stench.

But memories fade, and I risk forgetting, which is not forgiving.

But I must not forget, for I am not, no I am not forgiven.

At first it came easy–the blood and the pain–

but the calluses do not break easily.

Don't worry, sweetheart, the blood still drips from my feet

as it dripped from your wrists.

And the howling wind brings back your cry

that I kept pushing away.

I do not forget. No, I cannot forget–

you know too well that I am not atoned.

Honey, I'm running, I'm running, I'm running.

I'm still unforgiven and I still stain the ground, the earth, the world.

*Imagining a world without forgiveness: Dante's Inferno, Match Point, and the man running barefoot in the park helped build this poem.*